unbelieving disciples

There are two things I noticed and want to point out regarding the disciples of Jesus in John 6. The first is disturbing to me. What is it? They were disciples, followers of Jesus who were with Him wherever He went and, in spite of all that they saw and heard, some of them did not believe. Disciples of Jesus who did not believe! I wonder if they knew that they did not believe. I mean, why did they continue to follow Him up until this point if they did not believe that He was the Messiah?
It causes me to stop and consider this very same thing about myself. Do I believe Him? Do I really, truly believe that Jesus is the Son of God? If so, do I really, truly believe everything He said? Am I one of many who fill church seats on Sunday morning, listen to Christian music, buy Christian books, wear Christian t-shirts, and have a plastic fish stuck to my bumper, but do not have a real and true relationship with Jesus because I don't really, truly believe in Him or believe His word?
How is it possible to be a disciple, but not believe? I think that sometimes we are guilty of being a part of something because it seems to be the norm. Many consider themselves to be followers of Christ, having no idea of who He is, but following because it is the norm. It's what we do. Then one day we wake up and walk away from Him because He said something difficult to understand, something that is radical, different, daring, bold, and definitely not the norm that we are used to following.
That's what happened to this group of disciples. They couldn't accept what He said because it was radically different than anything they had ever heard before and it made them uncomfortable. Couple that with the fact that they didn't really, truly believe Him in the first place and you get AWOL disciples. Jesus let them go without attempting to bring them back. He knew their hearts and let them go.

Am I willing to take the difficult things about Jesus; the radical, daring, and bold things about Him and obey or am I of the heart and mind that will turn and walk away at the first hint of different? Do I believe Jesus for who He is and what He has done?

Lord, grant me the grace to ask these questions and answer them honestly. Strengthen and increase my faith in You and cause my heart to follow You with utmost devotion, never wavering or faltering. To You be the glory.